Please
by Alien Emerald
Summary: And as I turned, I tried to imagine that he had heard nothing but the truth. I tried to imagine him smiling behind me, happy that I had chosen to leave him. But even I could not convince myself of that. I had fallen in love. Again. Oneshot.


**Hi all! I've been a horrible updater, I can barely type I'm so lame. So, here's a little something for you to devour while I'm away in lala land. Even if it's only 800 words... Anywho, this is a story I posted on fiction press (did you know fanfiction had a sisiter site? I didn't...), so this is just a little bit of any character. You choose. You know what I prefer, but that's just me.**

X

"_Please, don't make me say this…."_

His eyes were searching mine, looking for an answer before I had even known the question. I did not try to guess. It was much too obvious; it pained me to think about the question, and the answer within it.

He stared at me longingly, hopelessly, as if I held the answer to every question he had ever thought of. _I do, _I told myself. _I know everything._

And in a way, it was true. He was the man I had fallen hopelessly for, all while he had been entangled with other ties and bonds. But to me, it made no difference. What mattered was that he was here now.

He said my name. I simply looked at him, not blinking, hoping to return some of the intensity of his gaze. His eyes…God, those gorgeous eyes just made me melt. I could not stare for long. It was like looking into the sun. My eyes began to water, and I tried to convince myself it was from his flames.

He stuttered for a second, trying to think of words that would not come. I knew how he felt. But, just then, I prayed for him to keep stuttering, to keep missing the words that were there on the tip of his tongue. I knew in every way possible that I did not want to hear those words. I was not ready for them.

I looked back into his blazing eyes, trying to show him the answer without saying it. _Don't make me cry. Please, don't make me say this! _But he continued to stare at me, looking just as unsure as before. He was going to make me say this. I had no choice.

The words came just as suddenly as the silence. It was like plunging into icy water with no chance of escape, not a single breath to spare. I desperately wanted to close my eyes on him, just to escape for a second. But the words came, slow and drawn out, as if he wanted to make me suffer more. "Do you love me?"

There was no sure answer as all of the perfect relationships are supposed to have. There were no tears of joy as the million confessions spilled out. There were no smiles or laughter, no bliss or ecstasy. It was silent, then. My thoughts became clear at the speed of molasses, and even then I was not sure. So many questions, so many answers. It was too much to handle.

I felt my eyes begin to water, and I swore he smiled. As hot tears spilled fresh onto my face, I wanted to punch him with all my might. He was _smiling. _So completely typical of him, of any man, to assume that tears are tears of joy. But these were not. They were tears of sad confusion, of my pathetic weakness to his gorgeous smile. He was so…perfect. I still don't know how I got him in the first place. But he was here, and he was waiting for an answer.

I would have given my right arm to get him to just walk away. I would have _killed _just to have him forget every thought on this subject, every breath he'd ever drawn between now and then. I would have even chosen, if given the choice, to rewind to the point before we had met. In this moment, I wish we had never met. Because the truth was I was unconditionally and irrevocably in love with him.

I wish I had no conscience. I wish I could just ignore the voice in my head that says it would not be right, that I could not say what I truly felt. He was tied down in so many other areas, other girls even more serious than I was. They may have gone so much further than just passionate kissing, so much further than what I even dared to dream. They were the ones who deserved him, not pathetic little me. Whether I was the one he had chosen or not, I could not give him the satisfaction of his dreams.

_Please, darling, don't make me say this. Don't make me cry. I love you more than the world, and I would give it all the same to be with you. But I am undeserving of you, and so many others are waiting. I am not right for you, no matter how much I hate to admit it. _

"No," I said, "I don't."

And as I turned, I tried to imagine that he had heard all the words I had thought. I tried to imagine him smiling behind me, happy that I had chosen the right path. But even I could not convince myself of that.

I was falling in love. Again.


End file.
